Friends,
It is with wonder and awe that I write to observe the obvious fact that our sweet friend Dea Perry lived a big, bold, beautiful life — full of connection and creativity. It’s with relief that I write to report that her physical suffering has ended. And with grief I must report that Dea came to the end of her earthly life on the morning of January 8, 2022. She passed away with Ricky, Peter, and her cousin Missy by her side. By all accounts Dea’s last moments were full of smiles, foot rubs, and overflowing love.
Words feel hollow at the moment, but some parts of Dea’s last experience seem important to share – if nothing else, just to take stock of some gifts she offered right up to the end. For several days Dea had been saying that she felt ready for her next adventure. Ricky has marveled that she showed no fear at the end. Her courage was infectious, and the peace of mind that she projected was awe-inspiring. Thursday we sat in her window box pondering the magnitude of all this transition stuff, and I broke down like a blubbering goon. She waited for me to pull myself together, and then she coached: “Grief is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” The words* were devastating, and comforting, and uplifting all at once. Right to the end she was taking care of blubbering goofballs like an unflappable teacher. Like a friend. With a patience that I did not deserve, and a smile I could not match she added “Your grief will pass. Hold onto the love.”
Many of us have said that Dea has fought her cancer like a warrior over these last couple years, and Dea had some thoughtful words about this. However true is that statement, she pointed out that some aspects of the fight might be easily forgotten or misconstrued. Sitting in her catbird seat, Dea reminded that she did not just battle cancer and then lose. With gratitude in her voice she pointed out that the battle gave her precious years and months that she would not have had otherwise. The treatments slowed a really persistent, pesky condition. She could not wish it away, so that fight was the best option available. It wasn’t easy, but the rewards were worth the effort and she expressed gratitude for the help of her medical team and every extra day she got to spend with the people she loved. I loved those appreciations, and I promised her that I’d log them in this shared diary.
Finally, Dea’s poise was extraordinary. She seemed truly to feel and appreciate the awesomeness of the remarkable life she had lived. She saw that her connection with friends and family were her greatest riches and coolest achievements. She did it. And she got it. She brought joy and beauty to so many times and places. And, in the end, this authenticity seemed to blossom as pure deep peace that she had done good.
For some time it’s been clear that the Dea photo project (below) was her study and reflection on all that stuff. The connection. The joy. The life. In the end it is also a durable prayer on all those things. For us. As we send love to Dea, remember Dea, and pray for Dea, may the smiles in this photo collection infuse the prayers and illuminate the memories.
Rest in peace, Dea Perry. We will always love you.
Peter and Ricky are requesting a period of quiet decompression. They’ll let us know when they’re ready for calls and visits, but they did ask me to send their biggest thanks for all the love that has been flowing their way.
*That beautiful quote is from Jamie Anderson, by way of Trisha.
Thank you dear Matt for keeping us all informed on this long voyage. I am confident, as you said, that this illness gave my dear friend the opportunity to truly understand what it was like to be taken care of after a life long of ‘caregiving’ and showing up for all of her friends and therefore creating such a legacy that is broad and deep and many generations. Our culture suffers from isolation, from lack of family, ancestors, connectivity, being seen, showing up…Dea created a family where ever she touched ground. Finally, for herself, Dea seized the opportunity with her illness to gain a new dimension on life with each and everyone of us. I am awestruck by the results of that work, and what an amazing family you have all been for her.
Aloha All ~
A few days ago Dea and I had our final text exchange which simply consisted of a quote by Ram Dass:
“We are all just walking each other home.”
XOXO
What a beautiful life our dear Dea had. She will be missed deeply but will forever live in our hearts . She was such a force of beauty, creativity , love , optimism and so much more. I will always treasure our friendship ..
Thank you so much Matt for your most eloquent writings that kept us informed of Dea’s journey. We are so grateful for that .
How powerful and insightful Dea’s words are. There is so much wisdom and love. Thank you, Peter, for capturing them and sharing those moments with us here. A beautiful, creative life lived well, enriching all those around her. I miss you already, Dea, but we will meet in all the gardens, during the quiet moments where we connect across time.
Hello All,
My name is Gena Dean and I live on the Gold Coast Queensland Australia.
I met Dea when she and Peter fell in love. Peter is a long time friend .
Ricky was born on the Gold Coast.
We stayed in contact when the family moved back to America and I did visit the Perrys at their Bainbridge Island home and spent many fun times when they visited the Gold Coast.
Thank you all for these glorious photos of Dea’s life well lived. I will think of Dea whenever I see a lavender bush.
Together with another two friends Sandy and Marea ,we celebrated Dea’s life on Sunday at Currumbin Creek.
Vale Dea
May you dance in the wind my friend . XX
This really touched my heart, especially Dea comforting us about grief. I will try to remember her words always. She was such a joyful person, I wish I had known her a little longer.
Rita
Thank you Matt for your beautiful words about our amazing Dea and the wonderful collection of photos. It is with tears streaming down my cheeks that I try to write this.
I first met The Perrys when Ricky was born on the Gold Coast in Australia and they soon became a very big part of our community in Tallebudgera Valley. We spent a lot of time together and it was so hard to say goodbye when they moved back to the States. We kept in contact with emails and phone calls and their trips back to Australia were always celebrated with a gathering of their Aussie friends, welcoming them home.
Dea was such a big support to me when I got sick a couple of years ago and I cherish Dea’s ‘warrior woman’ beads, given to me by Peter on his last visit.
Dea my friend, you will be forever in my heart and I cherish the time we spent together.
I met Dea when I was 19, and I thought she hung the moon. She was so self possessed, so beautiful, and seemed so mature and worldly. (I mean she was three whole years older than I was!) We stayed in touch, and a few years later Dea, Nicole and I were roommates in our “groovy loft” which was situated in a very sketchy L.A. neighborhood that would have been any mother’s worst nightmare. Many years after that we were still in touch, with Dea hosting fabulous crafts sales at her home on Bainbridge, which is where I got to meet some of you.
My heart goes out to Peter and Ricky, who have both lost their most significant person. Viewing these photos I can see how widely Dea’s circles of love extended, and I know she is missed by so many. Even when you know it’s coming, the finality of a much loved friend and family member taking leave of this realm is overwhelming in its sadness and gravity.
I remember a younger Dea who was, like all of us at the time, trying to find her path and her purpose . She successfully reinvented herself half a dozen times over, always with style and flare and great determination, but it was when she met Peter Perry that she truly found herself and her “home”. Those two were/are a match made in heaven, and the life they forged together led them to Bainbridge and to all of you. Peter, you and Dea have inspired many.
I find myself filled with sadness, but also great joy in these past few days. Thinking of Dea… that smile, that laugh, that HAIR! The silly play we were in together that had an opening line the entire cast struggled nightly to get through without cracking up. The wild days and the great parties at our loft space. Her ability to transform any room into a thing of beauty, even when she had zero money to spend. The joy she derived in feeding us all. (She made this gal from the Midwest my very first quesadilla, or as we joked, quesa-Dea).
Wherever Dea is, she is spreading beauty and joy and is whipping the place into shape, lighting it up with her smile. Dea showed us the value of chosen family. She never stopped spreading the love.
Heaven’s gardens and the great beyond just gained a new tender. Take your paintbrush to greener pastures, Dea, every place you inhabit becomes just that much more beautiful. With love, Andie and Brian
Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute to Dea, a person who will never be forgotten. Among others, I love the shot of her taking off in that kayak. Her huge smile lit up not only her face, but the hearts all who had the good fortune to know her.
Her good friend since high school, Lisa, is my sister so I met Dea when she was a junior and marveled at her talent, her genuine openness to life. She was truly a gift to all who had the honor of calling her “friend”.